i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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