i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
