I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So squirting runs in the family.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
