I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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