I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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