she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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