My cat gives me a boner
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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