can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
