Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
