Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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