if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he fucked my hip out of place.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
