ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
