I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I have post one night stand depression
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
