I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
