I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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