I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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