I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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