Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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