i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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