She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
