Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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