All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
