OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
