true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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