have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
