Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My pussy is not your playground.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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