he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
MIDGETS
????
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
