my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
