i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
