this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
