if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
