I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
