alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
