she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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