hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
