I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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