we have officially mastered the walk of shame
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
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Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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