It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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