did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
