Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
