My friends, they love my intelligence
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
