you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
