hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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