apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
