youre lurking in front of me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
