She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
