He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
