Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
