Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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