yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize