I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
