i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
