bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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