We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
