you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
