I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
