those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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