I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
this will be a night to untag.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
