dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
