i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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