I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
