Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
