I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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