How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
