I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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