just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
