Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
