Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
