I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
