If i come over, it means nothing
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
