I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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