She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
