apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
