he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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