she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you win again, gameday.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
