dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
