I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
