Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
