i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
