I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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