I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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