I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
