I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
